“…‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’ ” – Luke 18:13
This is the prayer of my heart.
I have made many mistakes in life; I have lied to people, I have stolen, I have lusted, I have been angry, I have been jealous, I’ve been stubborn, apathetic, ignorant, and judgmental. Yet in all of this I have learned one important thing: 1 Timothy 1:15 “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.”
In todays world the majority of christians seek to cover their flaws, hide their shortcomings and wear masks at all times (So they can appear more spiritual.) Many who claim to be christians today are white washed tombs full of dead mens bones. I am by no means perfect, I too have been guilty of this. I was once dead inside. I know what it’s like to be numb, to wear masks, to attempt to cover my flaws. I went to great lengths to hide who I was and the things I’ve done — But not anymore. I am determined to discover what it means to live as an authentic follower of Jesus Christ. I believe that by exposing my flaws, stripping away my masks and shining a light in the dark crevices of my soul, I can begin my search for authenticity.
I struggle with lust and have struggled with pornography in the past (Although I do not currently struggle with porn, my past struggles require me to be extremely careful with this issue.) — The results of which have destroyed relationships, ruined friendships, shattered my credibility and put me in positions where I’ve felt the only way out was to lie so I could hide my shame.
I struggle with anger — The inability to control my temper has caused me to be filled with rage, hate, and apathy. Anger has motivated me to say callous, hurtful and unnecessary things at times and has prevented me from saying loving and encouraging things in the necessary times.
I struggle with inaction — Talk is cheap. Yet much of my christian journey has been plagued with alot of talk but very little walk. An inactive christian is an unauthentic christian, so if it is my goal to find authenticity then I will surely have to break the chains of inaction.
Yet despite all my flaws (and my natural instinct to hide them, not expose them) Jesus came to die, so that I might have life. Through my shortcomings and weaknesses, God’s strength and glory can be revealed. It is my hope that through authenticity I can be a witness for Him and inspire others to take off their masks and join me on my journey.
God have mercy on me, a sinner.